i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
