So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
