Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
