it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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