Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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