so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
