You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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