He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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