Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
