Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Please don't give away my fajitas
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
