you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Randomize
