I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
