it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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