I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
