Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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