i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
