Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
