We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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