apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
