I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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