THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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