Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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