i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
