you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
