I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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