There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
