no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
