That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
