Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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