i jhust puked up my retainher.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize