he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize