So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
