I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
