bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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