Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
