the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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