Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
