you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
