i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
