Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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