my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
