Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize