That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
