i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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