First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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