I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
