I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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