TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize