If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
