you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
