No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
