Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
