kristin has been a bad kristin
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
