Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
