Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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