My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
