My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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