dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
