Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
