I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
