Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
