I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
false alarm. still invincible.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
