Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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