also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
