Capitaan dildo arrescate!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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