their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
